Broken homes, broken beaks, broken English

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Ron Artest should take a lesson from Ike Turner. Artest’s most recent run-in with the authorities is a domestic violence charge by wife Kimsha Artest. This flies in the face of Artest’s peacemaking nature, having been arrested in 2004 after trying to explain to a fan that his Gatorade shower wasn’t appreciated " by entering the stands and dropping the helpless boob.

The incident escalated into the famous brawl between the Indiana Pacers and Detroit Pistons at the Palace of Auburn Hills, which saw a bevy of suspensions handed down by NBA Commissioner David Stern and cost Artest nearly $5 million. Artest needs that money now for car repairs " Mrs. Artest reportedly threw a pot at the windshield of his Hummer as he fled the scene.

Former Disney CEO Michael Eisner reportedly headed the group which purchased the famed Topps trading card company for $385.4 million. Topps director Arnaud Ajdler initially felt the Eisner-led bid undervalued the company. However, an impasse was avoided when the deal passed with a 7-3 vote by board members after Eisner offered a Honus Wagner rookie card and a stack of Pogs.

North Carolina basketball standout Tyler Hansbrough said Tuesday there’s no bad blood between him and Duke swingman Gerald Henderson, who recently broke his nose with a flagrant foul. The injury occurred in the team’s 86-72 win over the 14th-ranked Blue Devils. The incident earned Henderson a suspension and Hansbrough a new Rip Hamilton-esque mask for the ACC tournament. Tar Heels coach Roy Williams said he won’t be taking a page out of Lindy Ruff’s coaching manual any time soon.

Montreal Canadiens forward Alexei Kovalev was doing the back-tracker shuffle just days after a Russian newspaper ran a story in which Kovalev blasted Montreal Canadiens officials.

Kovalev reportedly accused head coach Guy Carbonneau of showing favouritism toward the team’s Francophone contingency, also alleging the team’s recent failures were a result of division within the dressing room. When asked whether these accusations had any basis, Carbonneau responded, “Je m’excuse, mais je ne parle pas anglais.”

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