Swingin' Simon sidelined for stick work

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

New York Islanders winger Chris Simon earns two, five, 10 and a game in this week’s Bin â€" and that’s before we count his 25-game suspension.

Simon was suspended for the rest of the season and may sit out additional games next year after cranking Rangers centre Ryan Hollweg’s head deep into left field last Thursday.

Simon was peeved about a hit from behind by Hollweg, and decided a peaceful resolution to the conflict was less effective than the prospect of turning Hollweg’s face into pasta primavera.

It’s understandable that players want to retaliate sometimes, but it would be nice if they remembered what sport they play.

As such, Simon joins Marty McSorley and Alexander Perezhogin on the list of players who forgot hockey players solve their problems with their fists.

The next time Simon has a problem with another player, he should drop the gloves â€" and his stick â€" before going after them. It’s odd Simon didn’t choose to fight fair since he’s a known goon.

The alternative would be sending a few players to teach Simon a lesson.

The most apt candidates to serve him his just desserts would be his fellow stick swingers, but Perezhogin’s swing on Garrett Stafford a couple years ago was accidental and McSorley only attacks when it’s racially charged.

Another option would be Buffalo strongboy Andrew Peters, who took care of the Senators nicely after Chris Neil’s dirty hit on Chris Drury, but we’d be worried Peters would attack Rick DiPietro instead.

Todd Bertuzzi would also be a candidate, but after this season’s back injury, his vertebrae ironically aren’t up to the challenge yet.

That means the only realistic option left is Devils enforcer Cam Janssen, who throws one hell of an elbow and is back on the ice after a measly three-game suspension which amounted to about nine minutes of lost ice time. Simon definitely deserves the Tomas Kaberle treatment after a crosscheck like the one he laid on Hollweg, but we’ll do our part by putting him in our Sin Bin and throwing away the key.

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