Homophobia and boozing and growth hormones, oh my!

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Tim Hardaway, the leader in karma and world harmony, reportedly wants another chance to repair his image. Hardaway’s repentant behaviour was precipitated by his homophobic tirade a couple weeks ago when asked about former NBAer John Amaechi’s homosexuality. Hardaway said he hated gay people, but now he’s trying to backpedal like a midget employed by Barnum and Bailey.

Seattle Seahawks tight end Jerramy Stevens is accused of drunk driving and possession of marijuana. He attempted to sidestep the issue by refusing a breathalyzer test and declining a blood sample. Stevens has had many run-ins with the law, with another drunk-driving charge and a hit-and-run incident at a nursing home on his resumé. There’s nothing like playing bumper cars with a few old folks in wheelchairs.

In similar news, South Carolina football recruit Stephen Garcia has applied for counselling and community service rather than facing prosecution for two misdemeanor charges. Two weeks ago, the highly rated quarterback prospect was charged for malicious injury to personal property after scratching professor Adam Biggs’ car with a key. With over $800 in damages to pay, Garcia will give more than a “quarter back” after this mischief.

Angels outfielder Gary Matthews Jr. spoke out against taking performance-enhancing drugs this week. His name was linked to an investigation about Internet sales of human growth hormone. Matthews received a shipment of the drug in 2004 from the sale. Luckily, his outfield skills are quicker than his response time, as it took him 16 days to address the allegations. He claims he waited to ensure any baseball or legal authorities had no reason to accuse him of using the drugs. He’d better hope the Angels in the outfield are watching his back.

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